Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Lone Man

This was my dream:

The place is a group of wooden chalets, somewhere in the hillside. I'm thinking it's north Sweden or Norway, maybe even Alaska or North Canada. The chalets are owned by the local airline. It's a trek to any suburb even, and the town is mostly miners, mushers and workers in the mills and local airport. It's dark most of the year.

There has been a virus, an epidemic, in recent years. Though scientists are working round the clock for a vaccine, the death tolls are high and population is starting to thin out in the cities at a noticeable rate. It is thought that living in the countryside is a healthy alternative. Only major corporations and employees live in the cities. The virus is moving to the suburbs though and there is intense screening required to move there and further out.

The main dream people:

They are a couple. Not entirely a happy couple. In fact, they fight a lot.

Probably me, but for arguments' sake, his name is Erik Richter. He's a writer who dreams of a better life, better things. In fact he's a dreamer who writes of a better life and he wants to live his dreams and that is not happening at all. He writes for a popular magazine. His articles inspire the sick and mostly sell in the cities. His editor thinks he's a hack. He is.  Just about earns more than basic survival. He is average looking. Could get what he wants if he had confidence, but he doesn't have any. Never believed in his abilities and has lots of inner monologues of self doubt. Own worst enemy. Thinks he's worse-off than he is. Stays at home mostly, trying to write. Almost always fails and ends up procrastinating. Doesn't sleep well or eat as well as he should.

She is Nadia Sullivan. She has dark skin but is not black; may be Hispanic, possibly even just a tanned natural beauty. She is an air-hostess for the local airline. Very beautiful and very smart. Is over-worked lately, but die to declining use of the airways, is taking leave. Doesn't stay home longer than she aught. Loves Erik, fights for her needs, but also needs to fight. Always dreams of studying law. Strong personality though she cries a lot lately.

The next door chalet houses two happy blonde twenty-something air hostesses. They have just recently interviewed another attractive, blonde, twenty-something air-hostess and Erik knows her well, from school or something. Down the platform, is another chalet and a pilot lives there who mostly keeps to himself. His name is Jared Hoffman. Erik is suspicious of Jared since an older lady, also an air hostess came to visit and was reported missing a week and a half later. Jared owns a vicious bulldog, killed by Erik because he once came in through an open window in Erik and Nadia's chalet while Nadia was sleeping.

The plot I can remember is that on top of the usual trouble, Nadia has come home and is in the room crying by herself. She is wearing a red top as far as I can remember. Erik is next door, talking with the girl he knows and the other two hostesses about whether they find Jared strange. One girl confirms this, but the other two think he's "sweet" and "maybe a little strange, but who isn't?" Only Erik is suspicious of Jared's  involvement of the older lady who went missing. He has been writing about crime in the local area, maybe an offset of a few viral patients who were quarantined recently. He is also hinting that police should be investigating this more and considering her "colleagues" as being involved. Police consider it a cold-case, however, as not enough evidence has been found to highlight a particular suspect. The lady lived alone and no-one knew her very well. Her husband died of the virus on the way from the city. Erik goes back to his room, hears that Nadia is sobbing, goes into the room and it is dark on entry. He clicks on a light and notices Nadia's face has a visible lesion similar to that of the virus.  Because of this, the airline has put her on leave and she must find a doctor to diagnose the mark as whether it belongs to the virus or not. Erik agrees that they should venture towards the city, but they realise the risk involved. He also noticably says "Things are always better when we can agree".

Next vision is of the couple trying to make their way through the desolate cityscape. Nadia is feeling nauseous and looks visibly tired. Erik is tired but determined. In the outskirts, bandit activity is becoming popular and virus sufferers, doomsday zealots and rioters have occupied "The Gate" of the city. Police checks and medical quarantines have been set up. Those diagnosed in the city are sent to the outskirts to be quarantined and it is to the city's diagnosis center where they must travel, having been told that medical staff is too far thinly spread to help Nadia at The Gate. There is a buffer zone between The Gate and the city, old run down industrial complexes and abandoned office blocks are common. Anarchy is rife. "Wagons" are used to transport people to and from The Gate. These are expensive and either covered by corporate insurance or by the wealthy so Erik and Nadia can not afford to use it. They must shelter in the buffer zone on their way to the city. Nadia must also confirm with the airline while there, whether she is a sufferer or not.

There is an epic tune playing at the end. It's called Lone Man. Not sure whether it refers to Erik's lonely despondent nature or whether it was a prediction of Nadia's health. Either way, I ended up humming it into my phone so I could remember it!

That's everything I dreamed in an hour's power nap!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Kids rant

See, the circle of life goes like this - get born (with no choice in the matter) - live a mediocre, impoverished life, get shit off your spouse or partner for not living up to their expectations, spend all the money you never actually get to see on a few bricks that outlive you and if you are lucky* have a few kids who will love you for 10 years, hate you for 5-6 years, try to make it up to you for 25-35 years, drag themselves about and repeat the cycle for another few years and then die themselves. Rinse and repeat. You know, I have been told things like "you would be a good dad", "you have much to give" etc etc, but honestly, I don't have any more or less than the average person. And we are all just average, by the way... some are just more determined than others. We simply have kids for one of two reasons... we don't want to die, or by mistake. What very selfish reasons, I think. Bring a kid into the world who has no say in it so they can repeat the same thing over again. If I were to do anything, I would adopt a kid who was conceived, born and discarded and had no choice in the matter. Why introduce a new kid? But to be honest, I would literally be dragging myself around for the sake. No money, no life etc etc, like I said before. Some say "I want to have whinge-bags because I want to do some good in the world, replace the bad people, keep my blood-line going". It's a genetic illusion. Well, that is my opinion anyway. Like I say, I'm one man, I'm not going to change the world. And it won't be through conception. See let's say a product is 100% quality but made from imperfect materials. Then you dilute it and blend it. It's not 100% any more, it's inferior. You can only go so far. If you happen to be a parent who had a child by mistake, you will fall into 1 of 2 distinct catagories: you will love and nurture the child and try your best to see they surpass you, which is dignified by any standards. The other is more ominous: you were ignorant and always will be. Your child becomes another thorn in the butt of society through your neglect. Ends up inflicting the same torment on others and never realises it. Unfortunately, this one is a rising trend.

Incidentally, to the single mothers I know personally, I salute you all. I don't think I know even one who is a bad parent :)

Monday, September 13, 2010

Mercury

i'd love to feel close to my maker
my siblings, far away as if they hate her
it's tough to be the youngest son
when everyone else has gone

though my body is small and cold
My mother still has a tight hold
Though one day i'll be consumed
with no sentient life to be removed

the darkness splits my life in two
my other side has turned into
a day that lasts most of the year
when the full eclispe is drawing near

I never left, I had no chance
to make life at a distance
I feel alone though she's watching me
her endless glow burns me

Venus

so close but it hurts me to be near
the solar light burns my atmosphere
my life began much the same as you
but i failed my first test unlike you

we meet only at the strangest times
our paths cross but we move on seperate lines
if my childhood had been different
i could perhaps be sentient

My names revered through history
our ancient lives a mystery
your darkened twin near hells gate
suffers a darker clouded fate

and though our climate is different
our similar fate is immenent
just before all we know explodes
our mother swallows up our souls

Monday, August 16, 2010

Nothing

Within, Without

I have been thinking of space. I have been thinking of mind expansion. I have been thinking of God. I have been thinking of feelings, thoughts themselves. And I have come up with nothing.

Nothing.

The thing that fills in all the blanks. 

Nothing.

The thing that takes over when there are no answers.

Nothing. 

The thing that cannot be said. When you try to say nothing, you end up saying something.

I have been thinking of far off galaxies. Far off planets and infinity. 

Nothing. There is nothing I can say and it explains it very well. That's what is available when God meets Godless.

Nothing.

When there is a difference of opinion, a clash of ideals.

Nothing.

Outside in the vastness of SPACE, there is Nothing. There are planets, galaxies, stars, dust, rock and minerals. And between all of it.

Nothing.

No-thing. We can conceptualise planets, terra forma, gas giants, people, plants, volcanic rock and nuclear fusion. And what of the elements? What of the thing that fuses particle to particle? What is the in between?

Nothing.

What is the distance between thought and action?

Nothing.

What is there, lying between each planet, each star and each solar system?

Nothing.

Emptiness. What is there, in a room, between you and your wife, between sofa and TV, between bathroom and bedroom? Sure you have a floor and walls and if you are lucky, a ceiling. What exists between all of these things?

Nothing.

SPACE cannot be conceptualised. You cannot physically explain something that has no form, no mass and no dimensions.

Between each word spoken and each word typed there is Nothing.

Nothing.

No-Thing.

If you have understood Nothing from this post, then you have learned Something.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I wrote this when I was 12 or something

obviously i edited the shit outta this, but it is 80% original

99% of people will agree...

The baby screams aloud
The house falls into silence
Mother lies, with dying eyes
A victim of domestic violence

Father doesn't care
He's shooting up outside
Rent and pay, lost today
Washed out with the tide

Examples of waste
Brutality and hate
Portrayed in mind, from father unkind
Life took no toll 'til late

Prerequiste

Demand for me to be
somewhere very near
be it past or future,
but never really here

Lock me in a small room
with people dead and gone
somewhere that's not here
when I am never quite alone

and see me in a future
in your minds eye, locked out
in the void between us
and be totally without